D-Day.
The day I have been dreading since my water broke at the hospital.
Back to work.
I knew this day would come. I knew we couldn't afford to have me stay at home with Cooper forever. But I honestly secretly hoped that we would find a way. That our bills would somehow magically diminish. The love I have for my son from the second he was born cannot be put into words. How could I leave him all day? Why would I?
Mark and I went back and forth on this decision. But I could see our finances causing stress in our marriage. Causing stress in Mark. And I hated it. I hated how he would come home and sign onto our bank account...I would leave the room. He would get so flustered. Me going back to work was the right choice in black and white. However in my grey world of motherhood, it wasn't. And it killed me.
I wish I could stay home with him. I wish I didn't have to share him. Ever. It sounds so incredibly selfish and almost crazy, right? But I can't be the only mom to have felt this way.
But because I love him so much and want to be able to provide him with everything he could ever need I have to go work. If I ever want to have a penny saved for his future, work it is. And I was so worried and anxious for today. Turns out - for no reason!
He smiled when I dropped him. I smiled when I got to work. Adults wanted to talk to me! It was entirely refreshing! And then I picked him up, and I got the hugest smile from him. Perfect.
I constantly do this to myself. I psych myself out about stuff all the time and this happened to be the worst. I love him more today than I did yesterday, but somehow I was able to leave him and enjoy myself. All while making money!
I can only hope I continue to feel this way because I think it will work for us. I think we can do it - and we will.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Celebrations
Well on Sunday, October 7 we had Cooper baptized and it was a fantastic day! More people showed up than I thought and it was a very heart warming day.
Everyone showed up, Cooper looked adorable and didn't scream through church or his baptism, and the party we had for him at the house afterwards went flawlessly.
It also felt so good to have Eric here for a family event! I had gotten so used to him not being here that I felt so lucky to have him here. I hope that I never have to get used to having a family member gone for that long every again :)
People were very generous and thoughtful in bringing such lovely gifts for him, and for traveling all the way here to be a part of his special day. And I have to say...it felt fantastic to see everybody and NOT have to travel so far to do it :)
Here are my favorite snap shots of the day...
Everyone showed up, Cooper looked adorable and didn't scream through church or his baptism, and the party we had for him at the house afterwards went flawlessly.
It also felt so good to have Eric here for a family event! I had gotten so used to him not being here that I felt so lucky to have him here. I hope that I never have to get used to having a family member gone for that long every again :)
People were very generous and thoughtful in bringing such lovely gifts for him, and for traveling all the way here to be a part of his special day. And I have to say...it felt fantastic to see everybody and NOT have to travel so far to do it :)
Here are my favorite snap shots of the day...
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I Can Do It!
That's right folks, it finally feels like I can take care of Cooper, know what he needs, know how to soothe him, and it only took 4 months! :)
We finally have a schedule. We eat, play on his activity mat, have tummy time with toys, snuggle with mom, take a nap, then repeat. It's a great schedule and I LOVE finally knowing what he will need before he needs it - for the most part!
Cooper is growing up to be just the handsomest little guy. He has likes, dislikes, he laughs, he smiles, he's like a tiny little man. I love it!
Over the last few weeks Cooper got to meet his Uncle Aaron who flew in from Vegas, tons of family friends, and his Uncle Eric who officially came home from the army just a few days ago! I love having family members meet him and showing him off. I'm one proud mama!
We're gearing up for his Baptism on Sunday and then my awful return to work next week. I'm dreading leaving him during the day, but know it probably be good for the both of us to take some time away from each other.
Mark continues to love spending more time with Cooper. He wasn't a HUGE fan of the baby stage. He really was looking forward to Cooper recognizing him, smiling at him, and hitting those huge milestones. Cooper is getting there and I can see Mark getting more excited and attached to him every day. I know every mother wants to have a little girl, but there's something about knowing you gave your husband a son that just melts your heart.
Other than that we are really just getting back into the swing of things. I'm getting more comfortable taking him out in public by myself which has really helped with my cabin fever! And I don't know why I was so nervous to take him out - I went to Walmart yesterday and God Bless this lady. She had a toddler with her, was pushing her twin newborn babies while pulling her cart full of groceries. I looked at her and told myself "If she can do it with all those babies, I can do it with my man."
I'm getting so excited for all the new firsts coming up for Cooper. Stand by for pumpkin patch photos, Halloween photos, Thanksgiving photos, and of course Christmas! It's all coming up so fast which means he's growing up so fast too. So with that, I'm going to go lay on the floor next to my son and play with him and his toys. :)
We finally have a schedule. We eat, play on his activity mat, have tummy time with toys, snuggle with mom, take a nap, then repeat. It's a great schedule and I LOVE finally knowing what he will need before he needs it - for the most part!
Cooper is growing up to be just the handsomest little guy. He has likes, dislikes, he laughs, he smiles, he's like a tiny little man. I love it!
Over the last few weeks Cooper got to meet his Uncle Aaron who flew in from Vegas, tons of family friends, and his Uncle Eric who officially came home from the army just a few days ago! I love having family members meet him and showing him off. I'm one proud mama!
We're gearing up for his Baptism on Sunday and then my awful return to work next week. I'm dreading leaving him during the day, but know it probably be good for the both of us to take some time away from each other.
Mark continues to love spending more time with Cooper. He wasn't a HUGE fan of the baby stage. He really was looking forward to Cooper recognizing him, smiling at him, and hitting those huge milestones. Cooper is getting there and I can see Mark getting more excited and attached to him every day. I know every mother wants to have a little girl, but there's something about knowing you gave your husband a son that just melts your heart.
Other than that we are really just getting back into the swing of things. I'm getting more comfortable taking him out in public by myself which has really helped with my cabin fever! And I don't know why I was so nervous to take him out - I went to Walmart yesterday and God Bless this lady. She had a toddler with her, was pushing her twin newborn babies while pulling her cart full of groceries. I looked at her and told myself "If she can do it with all those babies, I can do it with my man."
I'm getting so excited for all the new firsts coming up for Cooper. Stand by for pumpkin patch photos, Halloween photos, Thanksgiving photos, and of course Christmas! It's all coming up so fast which means he's growing up so fast too. So with that, I'm going to go lay on the floor next to my son and play with him and his toys. :)
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Normal? What's that?
I feel as though there's no more 'normal' left in my life. Some days we sleep a lot, some days not so much. Some days we are able to run some errands together, and sometimes Cooper is having none of it and just wants to snuggle. And it all seems normal to me - and maybe it is - who knows?
I can't believe how big Cooper is getting. Parenting becomes more rewarding as time goes on. While it kills me to keep having to put some of his clothes away that he's outgrown, I need to remember it's only because he's reaching new milestones in his life and that's something we should both be so proud of!
Cooper is 12 weeks old today and the last 12 weeks are a blur! But we get more and more used to our new life every day. I told Mark last night that I remember right in the last few weeks of being pregnant and the first few months of Cooper's life, I was anxiously waiting for us to feel like "us" again. And now I do. And I remember exactly what made me fall in love with him 7 years ago, marry him 2 years ago, and still love him today.
Last night was our first night giving Cooper rice cereal. It was messy, it was fun, and he loved it! He only had a few spoonfuls but fell asleep in his high chair afterwards. We were giggling and just so surprised at how big he seemed! He's not just a newborn that eats, sleeps, and poops all day. He talks back to you, sees lights and patterns, and needs attention. It's fantastic!
We're hoping a few spoonfuls of cereal at night will help him feel satisfied a bit longer and stop waking up every 2.5 hours to eat. Because while I'd do anything for him, this momma is tired!
Besides Cooper not much new is in our lives. We have an exciting few weeks coming up with family members coming to visit, us going to visit them, and Cooper's baptism we sure are to be busy! But we are all excited for the new memories we get to created with our soon during the next month or so!
I can't believe how big Cooper is getting. Parenting becomes more rewarding as time goes on. While it kills me to keep having to put some of his clothes away that he's outgrown, I need to remember it's only because he's reaching new milestones in his life and that's something we should both be so proud of!
Cooper is 12 weeks old today and the last 12 weeks are a blur! But we get more and more used to our new life every day. I told Mark last night that I remember right in the last few weeks of being pregnant and the first few months of Cooper's life, I was anxiously waiting for us to feel like "us" again. And now I do. And I remember exactly what made me fall in love with him 7 years ago, marry him 2 years ago, and still love him today.
Last night was our first night giving Cooper rice cereal. It was messy, it was fun, and he loved it! He only had a few spoonfuls but fell asleep in his high chair afterwards. We were giggling and just so surprised at how big he seemed! He's not just a newborn that eats, sleeps, and poops all day. He talks back to you, sees lights and patterns, and needs attention. It's fantastic!
We're hoping a few spoonfuls of cereal at night will help him feel satisfied a bit longer and stop waking up every 2.5 hours to eat. Because while I'd do anything for him, this momma is tired!
Besides Cooper not much new is in our lives. We have an exciting few weeks coming up with family members coming to visit, us going to visit them, and Cooper's baptism we sure are to be busy! But we are all excited for the new memories we get to created with our soon during the next month or so!
Growing Up!
I can't believe I have a 12 week old. I honestly can't believe it.
Life is different. Life is exhausting. Life is perfect.
Cooper had his 2 month appointment a few weeks ago and it went pretty well.
His stats:
Height - 23.5 inches
Weight - 14 pounds 7 ounces
He is in the 85th percentile for height and 75th percentile for weight. His head circumference was off the charts! Apparently he's got a giant noggin. Who knew? Oh yeah - me - the one who pushed it out ;)
While he's not really on a schedule, or sleeping through the night, I feel as though we've got a good routine going together. I feel calm when I'm taking care of him by myself while Mark is at work versus feeling a bit floundered, scared, and anxious. I trust myself with him and he trusts me back. It's a great feeling.
I'm also feeling as though Mark and I are finding each other as husband and wife again - not just tag team parents so someone can always be catching up on sleep.
Because while I may not get make up on everyday, or even put on jeans, the cooing baby in the background will always remain number one. And I'm more okay with it now more than ever.
Life is different. Life is exhausting. Life is perfect.
Cooper had his 2 month appointment a few weeks ago and it went pretty well.
His stats:
Height - 23.5 inches
Weight - 14 pounds 7 ounces
He is in the 85th percentile for height and 75th percentile for weight. His head circumference was off the charts! Apparently he's got a giant noggin. Who knew? Oh yeah - me - the one who pushed it out ;)
While he's not really on a schedule, or sleeping through the night, I feel as though we've got a good routine going together. I feel calm when I'm taking care of him by myself while Mark is at work versus feeling a bit floundered, scared, and anxious. I trust myself with him and he trusts me back. It's a great feeling.
I'm also feeling as though Mark and I are finding each other as husband and wife again - not just tag team parents so someone can always be catching up on sleep.
Because while I may not get make up on everyday, or even put on jeans, the cooing baby in the background will always remain number one. And I'm more okay with it now more than ever.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Playing Catch Up!
Cooper is now two months old and I just got around to writing his birth story!
The last two months have been insane. Gone too fast and too slow at the same time.
I feel as though we've now adjusted great into our new roles as parents. And it is definitely not without the help of our amazing family and friends.
We've had to travel with Cooper quite a bit - summer is busy! I've spent a week at my parent's house on two separate occasions due to Mark's work schedule. I'm glad we are able to do that so our families can bond with him while he is still a baby.
Ruby has adjusted well to having him in the house. She was a little concerned at first - especially when he would cry - but now it's as if she doesn't even notice him!
I could go into some crazy details about how everything is, but it would take forever. So here are a few of our favorite moments with him these past few months and I should have an update later this week since he has his 2 month check up in a few days!
He sure is amazing :)
The last two months have been insane. Gone too fast and too slow at the same time.
I feel as though we've now adjusted great into our new roles as parents. And it is definitely not without the help of our amazing family and friends.
We've had to travel with Cooper quite a bit - summer is busy! I've spent a week at my parent's house on two separate occasions due to Mark's work schedule. I'm glad we are able to do that so our families can bond with him while he is still a baby.
Ruby has adjusted well to having him in the house. She was a little concerned at first - especially when he would cry - but now it's as if she doesn't even notice him!
I could go into some crazy details about how everything is, but it would take forever. So here are a few of our favorite moments with him these past few months and I should have an update later this week since he has his 2 month check up in a few days!
It's A...
It's a Boy!
I couldn't believe it - my baby was here! And no longer an "it", he was a he and he was perfect. The 2 1/2 hours of pushing was worth it.
After the delivery all of the stuff you read about is true! You don't notice anything else going on. They left him on my chest for awhile and then took him away to weigh, measure, and clean him up. I delivered the placenta super easily and they began with stitches for me. And all that mattered anymore was those 10 fingers and 10 toes. That's it.
Mark and I used this time to hug and name our precious baby. Cooper Paul Nightingale was finally here. All 8 pounds 14.8 ounces and 21 inches of him.
It was hard, it was emotional, it was intense. It was everything people tell you it is and more. We still thank God to this day for giving us such a precious and beautiful baby boy to call our own.
I couldn't believe it - my baby was here! And no longer an "it", he was a he and he was perfect. The 2 1/2 hours of pushing was worth it.
After the delivery all of the stuff you read about is true! You don't notice anything else going on. They left him on my chest for awhile and then took him away to weigh, measure, and clean him up. I delivered the placenta super easily and they began with stitches for me. And all that mattered anymore was those 10 fingers and 10 toes. That's it.
Mark and I used this time to hug and name our precious baby. Cooper Paul Nightingale was finally here. All 8 pounds 14.8 ounces and 21 inches of him.
It was hard, it was emotional, it was intense. It was everything people tell you it is and more. We still thank God to this day for giving us such a precious and beautiful baby boy to call our own.
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