Wednesday, October 10, 2012



The day I have been dreading since my water broke at the hospital. 

Back to work.

I knew this day would come.  I knew we couldn't afford to have me stay at home with Cooper forever.  But I honestly secretly hoped that we would find a way.  That our bills would somehow magically diminish.  The love I have for my son from the second he was born cannot be put into words.  How could I leave him all day?  Why would I?

Mark and I went back and forth on this decision.  But I could see our finances causing stress in our marriage.  Causing stress in Mark.  And I hated it.  I hated how he would come home and sign onto our bank account...I would leave the room.  He would get so flustered.  Me going back to work was the right choice in black and white.  However in my grey world of motherhood, it wasn't.  And it killed me.

I wish I could stay home with him.  I wish I didn't have to share him.  Ever.  It sounds so incredibly selfish and almost crazy, right?  But I can't be the only mom to have felt this way. 

But because I love him so much and want to be able to provide him with everything he could ever need I have to go work.  If I ever want to have a penny saved for his future, work it is.  And I was so worried and anxious for today.  Turns out - for no reason!

He smiled when I dropped him.  I smiled when I got to work.  Adults wanted to talk to me!  It was entirely refreshing!  And then I picked him up, and I got the hugest smile from him.  Perfect.

I constantly do this to myself.  I psych myself out about stuff all the time and this happened to be the worst.  I love him more today than I did yesterday, but somehow I was able to leave him and enjoy myself.  All while making money!

I can only hope I continue to feel this way because I think it will work for us.  I think we can do it - and we will.


Well on Sunday, October 7 we had Cooper baptized and it was a fantastic day!  More people showed up than I thought and it was a very heart warming day.

Everyone showed up, Cooper looked adorable and didn't scream through church or his baptism, and the party we had for him at the house afterwards went flawlessly.

It also felt so good to have Eric here for a family event!  I had gotten so used to him not being here that I felt so lucky to have him here.  I hope that I never have to get used to having a family member gone for that long every again :)

People were very generous and thoughtful in bringing such lovely gifts for him, and for traveling all the way here to be a part of his special day.  And I have to felt fantastic to see everybody and NOT have to travel so far to do it :)

Here are my favorite snap shots of the day...

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I Can Do It!

That's right folks, it finally feels like I can take care of Cooper, know what he needs, know how to soothe him, and it only took 4 months!  :)

We finally have a schedule.  We eat, play on his activity mat, have tummy time with toys, snuggle with mom, take a nap, then repeat.  It's a great schedule and I LOVE finally knowing what he will need before he needs it - for the most part!

Cooper is growing up to be just the handsomest little guy.  He has likes, dislikes, he laughs, he smiles, he's like a tiny little man.  I love it!

Over the last few weeks Cooper got to meet his Uncle Aaron who flew in from Vegas, tons  of family friends, and his Uncle Eric who officially came home from the army just a few days ago!  I love having family members meet him and showing him off.  I'm one proud mama!

We're gearing up for his Baptism on Sunday and then my awful return to work next week.  I'm dreading leaving him during the day, but know it probably be good for the both of us to take some time away from each other.

Mark continues to love spending more time with Cooper.  He wasn't a HUGE fan of the baby stage.  He really was looking forward to Cooper recognizing him, smiling at him, and hitting those huge milestones.  Cooper is getting there and I can see Mark getting more excited and attached to him every day.  I know every mother wants to have a little girl, but there's something about knowing you gave your husband a son that just melts your heart. 

Other than that we are really just getting back into the swing of things.  I'm getting more comfortable taking him out in public by myself which has really helped with my cabin fever!  And I don't know why I was so nervous to take him out - I went to Walmart yesterday and God Bless this lady.  She had a toddler with her, was pushing her twin newborn babies while pulling her cart full of groceries.  I looked at her and told myself "If she can do it with all those babies, I can do it with my man."

I'm getting so excited for all the new firsts coming up for Cooper.  Stand by for pumpkin patch photos, Halloween photos, Thanksgiving photos, and of course Christmas!  It's all coming up so fast which means he's growing up so fast too.  So with that, I'm going to go lay on the floor next to my son and play with him and his toys.  :)